I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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