I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
