someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
