another moral hangover. fuck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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