I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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