The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
