He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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