I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
