I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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