Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
