toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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