You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
