So drunk its hurt
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found your dick twin last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
