just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
