She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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