The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
