They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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