Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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