I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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