im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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