He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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