Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
