I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We have started to decorate penises.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
