Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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