I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
