I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
