I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
