yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
