You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I will be naked everywhere
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
