there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize