i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
