i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
