We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
