she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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