I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Someone signed my nipple.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
