Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she peed on how many people?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize