i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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