I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
