Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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