i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
