You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize