you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
