Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
