oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
