So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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