I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
