Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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