I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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