and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
