My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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