i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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