I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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