We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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