Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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