Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
