Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
