How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
