I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
