is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
