Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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