I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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