Your mouth is God's brothel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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