Welp...herpes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
