I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
