you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
