bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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