i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
