If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
worst night to have a conscience
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
