I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
